Episode 351: How to Give Yourself Permission (and Practice Self-Compassion), with Charlotte Jukes

How to Give Yourself Permission When You’ve Spent Years Caring for Everyone Else

Some of us have spent years being the person everyone calls when something goes wrong. We answer, we help, and then we do it all again tomorrow. When it’s time to make a decision for ourselves, though, we hesitate and wait for someone else to say it’s okay. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you, because my guest this week shows what shifts once you give yourself permission instead.

Charlotte Jukes is one of my favorite people to be with. I’ve spent VIP days with her, and I’ve watched her manage massive rooms on Zoom. The second she starts speaking, she calms and soothes everyone and brings us all back home to what actually matters. She’s an ICM Mastery Method coach, a former registered nurse, and the host of the Pickleball & Partnership podcast.

After 37 years in nursing, Charlotte stepped fully into coaching and empowering women. In our conversation, she shares the two words she reaches for when I ask about the most meaningful shift someone can make: permission and compassion. Whether you run a business, a household, or both, you’ll want to pull this one up again the next time you’re exhausted and need a reminder to be still. So pop in your earphones, and let’s get to it.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• The simple Band-Aid practice Charlotte uses to explain what “somatic” means, and why she says the body holds the wisdom
• How hearing “do the safe thing” as a teenager shaped Charlotte’s career, and how she balances her grounded side with her adventurous one
• Why she tested nervous system work on herself before she taught it, and what changed when she walked into a crisis calm
• What happened on the last day of her nursing career, and what it taught her about who she could count on
• How pickleball became one of her best teachers in play, laughing at herself, and noticing her triggers

Listen to the full episode

 Watch the Full Episode

https://youtu.be/oLA4rhPMWI4?si=7wnDgtJmpHhWT50-

Following Your Gut Without Knowing the How

I asked Charlotte why, out of everything she could have done with her life, she chose this work. Her answer came straight from her gut. She says an underlying current flows through her whole life: look after people, care for people, hold people, be present for people, and follow her gut and her heart. Every time she has followed it, it hasn’t led her wrong.

“I just feel like this is my calling. This is what I’m meant to do. And do I need to understand that? Do I need to know the how and the why? No.” — Charlotte Jukes

From “Do the Safe Thing” to 37 Years in Nursing

Charlotte describes two sides of herself. One side is grounded and steady; the other is curious, adventurous, and courageous. As a teenager, that second side wanted to scuba dive, fly, and do journalism. Her parents usually pushed back with, “Don’t do that. Do the safe thing.” She says they had incredible wisdom, along with a huge amount of fear. She trusted them, so her grounded side took the lead.

That choice became a 37-year career that included ICU, palliative care, surgery, and community work. Along the way, nursing taught her what people need, what scares them, and what holds them back. For roughly her last 20 years, she worked in people’s homes. When people walk into a hospital, she explained, they take on the identity of the patient and give up their power. At home, she could encourage them to keep it. I told her that’s exactly what she does: she gives people their power back.

Why Charlotte Tested the Nervous System on Herself First

During her last ten years in nursing, Charlotte started her own business. She loves Western medicine, and she’d head straight to a hospital after a car accident. Still, she saw how much of it is symptom management. People kept telling her they were frustrated with taking more medication and going in for another surgery, and she knew there was more. Her search for the root cause led her to the nervous system.

Before she taught any of it, she tested it on herself. She couldn’t encourage anyone down a path she hadn’t tried. What she saw in her own life fascinated her, because suddenly she could bring herself peace in moments when she didn’t feel at peace. That mattered on the job, since most of the situations she walked into were a crisis. She knew she needed to be the rock, and she says that calm changed the energy of the room.

“When I can stay calm and present, it completely changes the energy of any situation.” — Charlotte Jukes

I told her it’s contagious. Even in the middle of chaos, one calm person draws others in, and then they go out and do the same for someone else.

Give Yourself Permission to Play

When Charlotte and I were together in Florida, she helped me with something that has lasted. We realized I’d built my business on a soul debt, which is the overperforming that happens when you want something so badly that you shove everything else aside. She told me, “You can play.” At first, I heard the words but couldn’t make sense of them. I never got to be a little girl. Instead, I was always taking care of everyone.

After sharing that story, I asked Charlotte what she sees as the most meaningful shift someone can make. Her first word was permission. She remembered a saying from her grandfather: youth is wasted on the young. Her response was, who says it’s only for the young? We don’t play, she explained, because we don’t give ourselves permission. Somewhere along the way, we took on other people’s beliefs about what our life should look like.

Give Yourself Permission to Try All the Things

Charlotte gave herself permission near the end of her nursing career. She had just turned 50, and she realized she could have another 40 years on this earth. What would she do with them? She gave herself permission to try all the things she’d been told not to try as a teen.

“This is your life. You get to choose. You get to decide. You can give yourself permission to do whatever it is you want to do.” — Charlotte Jukes

Even if the dream you had at seven years old is still there, she says, give yourself permission to go and do it if that’s what you feel called to do.

The Compassion We Give to Everyone but Ourselves

Compassion was the second word Charlotte gave me. Many of us hand out empathy, forgiveness, and grace to everyone around us, yet we forget to keep any for ourselves. Charlotte cared for her parents, her husband, her children, her patients, and her friends.

“I was really good at giving compassion to everybody else. I had never once considered … that I needed to give myself compassion. Not once. It was just not in my makeup.” — Charlotte Jukes

I told her I really get that, since we have a similar history. My girlfriends used to call me the 911 center. Anyone who needed anything could call, and I’d answer, but I wouldn’t do that for myself.

The Last Day of Her Nursing Career

Self-compassion came to Charlotte after what turned out to be her last day as a nurse. Charlotte had wanted to leave for a long time, yet she was holding tightly to her identity as a nurse. She’d pictured retiring with a party, surrounded by friends and colleagues. Then she went to a client’s home with a social worker to deal with an issue around eviction. The client became agitated, and before she knew it, he had grabbed two knives and come at her, threatening to use them. Charlotte stayed calm and defused the situation, which surprised her. Afterward, she felt very shaken.

The support she expected didn’t come. Instead, she was encouraged to look at how she could have handled it differently. At that point, she decided she needed to make a stand for all the nurses who would follow her, to make sure the environments they’re going into are safe and that they get the support they deserve. She also decided not to go back into nursing.

I asked whether it had to be so abrupt, and she said yes. It gave her time with herself. She had been waiting for support from the people around her, and she realized nobody else was going to show up the way she’d hoped. Once she processed what happened, she saw she could give herself that compassion, and that she was the only one who would save herself. It didn’t come overnight.

What “Somatic” Means (and a Band-Aid Practice You Can Try)

Charlotte brings a lot of somatic work to her coaching. If that word is new to you, here’s how she explains it: your body holds wisdom, and her work helps you drop out of your mind and into your body so you can feel what’s actually there.

“The mind jumps in, and the mind has all this chatter, and it wants to tell us all these things, most of it, which is not true. The body holds the wisdom.” — Charlotte Jukes

Here’s her quick practice. Put a Band-Aid or a rubber band on your finger, close your eyes, and feel into the sensations. That’s somatic: you dropping out of your mind and noticing what your body feels. In my own life, I feel a solid yes right where my ribs separate, and it tells me what’s really happening, because the mind doesn’t always know. Its job is efficiency, not necessarily truth.

Pickleball as a Coaching Tool

Charlotte and her husband renovated a house through COVID while both were still working. By the time they sold it, their kids had grown up, and they wondered what came next. He suggested golf, and she said no way. Pickleball was his next idea, and she agreed to humor him, even though she thought it was only for really, really old people. After six lessons, they were both addicted.

The game gave them hundreds of new friends around the world and kept them fit. It also taught Charlotte to laugh at herself, which she couldn’t do before.

“If you want to really get intimate with your triggers, go play pickleball.” — Charlotte Jukes

I could already see the headline: pickleball as a coaching tool. Charlotte is living the example, and her story is a reminder that you can give yourself permission to play at any age. Youth doesn’t have to be wasted on the young.

Retreats and a Mastermind for Nurses

Charlotte coaches people one-on-one, mostly women, and brings somatic work into those sessions. With a mentor, she also hosts VIP days and immersions. Right now, she’s excited about two masterminds. The first is open to any woman and kicks off in October with a two-day, in-person retreat in Whistler, Canada, followed by a six-month mastermind that meets every week.

A second mastermind is for nurses and other healers who care for everyone else and were never shown how to care for themselves. She created it with a fellow nurse, and she said it’s set to start in September. Charlotte isn’t encouraging anyone to leave nursing, though. We need nurses, she says, and nurses can set boundaries and advocate for themselves too.

About Charlotte Jukes

Charlotte Jukes is an ICM Mastery Method Coach, former Registered Nurse, and host of the Pickleball & Partnership podcast. She draws on decades of experience supporting people through life’s most challenging moments. Clients learn to identify and transform the unconscious patterns, beliefs, and nervous system responses that can quietly shape their lives.

Her work sits at the intersection of personal growth, emotional healing, relationships, and self-discovery. Through coaching, meditation, and deep inner work, Charlotte guides people to move beyond fear, self-doubt, and old conditioning. The goal is a life filled with greater connection, purpose, abundance, and authenticity.

Known for her warmth, insight, and ability to make complex concepts relatable, Charlotte inspires audiences to embrace transformation, trust themselves more deeply, and become the person they were always meant to be.

Connect with Charlotte Jukes

• Website: Charlotte Jukes
• Instagram: @_charlottejukes
• Facebook: Charlotte Jukes
• Podcast: Pickleball & Partnership

Charlotte’s Gift to You

Charlotte’s gift to Girlfriends is a Complimentary Clarity Call. Visit Book a Complimentary Clarity Call to schedule yours.

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Related Episodes You’ll Love

Episode 333: Soul Debt: What Overgiving in Business Is Costing You — and What Comes Next — This solo episode is where I talk about soul debt, the overperforming that comes from believing you’re responsible for everything and abandoning yourself in the process. It’s the background on the term I mention to Charlotte in this episode. Listen here

Episode 263: How Your Nervous System Shapes Your Money Habits with Stephanie Crochet — Stephanie, a nervous system regulation coach, explains how your nervous system shapes your money habits and shares somatic practices for reshaping them. It’s the nervous system side of what Charlotte describes in her own work. Listen here

Episode 246: How to Let Go of the Bully in Your Brain with Allison Guilbault — Allison, a licensed therapist and self-worth coach, shares how negative self-talk develops and a 30-day toothbrush challenge to curb it. It’s a practical companion to the self-compassion Charlotte talks about. Listen here

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My Free Gift to You — Let’s Talk About Your Business

This episode might have you thinking about where you’re waiting to give yourself permission, or where you’ve been handing out compassion to everyone but yourself. If so, let’s talk about it. As my gift to Girlfriends, I offer a 30-minute discovery call. We’ll talk about where you are right now and what might be getting in the way.

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Connect with Sarah

• Instagram: @thesarahwalton
• LinkedIn: Sarah Walton
• Free resources for you
• Join the Game On Girlfriend® community — subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube

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Love This Episode?

If you know a woman who’s been caring for everyone but herself, send this episode her way. She might just need a reminder that she can give herself permission to take her best next step. And if there’s a nurse in your life, this is a great one to share.

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About Sarah Walton

Sarah Walton is a wealth consciousness coach, strategic advisor, and the host of the Game On Girlfriend® podcast. Her mission is simple: to put more money in the hands of more women. She helps women entrepreneurs build profitable, sustainable businesses without burnout — working through both the mindset and the strategy sides of growth. Because when women have more financial power, they don’t just keep it — they use it to take care of their families, support their communities, and build something bigger than themselves. Through her programs — including the Abundance Academy and The Art of Receiving — along with her online courses and one-on-one coaching, Sarah works with women who are ready to build profitable businesses and use that financial power to make a real difference in the world around them.