Episode 321: Dating Smart: The Real Reason Successful Women Struggle in Love, with Laura Nagiel
The Truth About Dating for Successful Women
Here's what I hear all the time from the incredible women I work with: "Sarah, I can build a six-figure business, but I can't seem to get dating right. Is my success scaring men away?"
And listen, I get it. Because dating for successful women comes with this weird narrative that our success is somehow intimidating. That we're too much. Too successful. Too driven.
But here's what I learned from this conversation with Laura Nagiel, a dating and confidence coach who works specifically with high-achieving women: Your success isn't the problem.
It's the energy you had to adopt to build that success.
Laura gets straight to the heart of it:
"The problem is never the success; it's our success, it's who we have to become on the way to that success, and that is what we miss."
— Laura Nagiel
Laura knows this firsthand. After a successful PR career and building a thriving coaching business, she found herself stuck in the same frustrating dating patterns. So she did what any good strategist would do—she took a year off dating to study her own situation.
The very first date after that year? Her life partner.
Now she helps women understand exactly why being "twice as masculine as the men around you" at work can completely backfire when you're trying to build a romantic connection.
Watch the Full Episode
The Masculine Energy Trap (And Why It's Repelling the Right Partners)
Okay, so let's talk about what actually happens when successful women date.
To succeed in business—especially as women—we have to develop these very masculine traits. Being firm, consistent, and persistent. Not taking any crap from anyone. Making decisions quickly and sticking to them.
And if you're in a leadership role or running your own business? You probably feel like you have to be even more masculine than the men around you just to be taken seriously.
Here's what Laura told me: All of those traits that make you successful at work are typically masculine behaviors associated with men. They work in the workplace. But when you bring that same energy to dating, you're creating an energy polarity problem.
Think about it like magnets. If your career made you build up all this masculine energy, and you want a partner who's also very masculine (driven, ambitious, a leader), you've got two magnets with the same charge. They're going to repel each other.
Laura explained it this way: "If your career made you build up so much masculine energy in you, and you want a man who's also very masculine, you just have two magnets with the same charge. They will be repelling each other."
So it's not that successful men are intimidated by you. It's that the energy you're bringing doesn't create the attraction you're looking for.
Laura sees this pattern with her clients constantly. Understanding where it comes from is the first step:
"It all depends on the personal story of the previous relationships they had because usually that will be the source of their current mindset issues."
— Laura Nagiel
The Second Gear You Need (Hint: It's Not About Being Less Powerful)
This doesn't mean you need to become someone you're not. Listen, I'm not about playing small or pretending you need help you don't actually need.
It's about having a second gear.
I loved how Laura explained this: "You're different with your family, with your friends, with your coworkers. You're still you. We're not changing who you are. And yet your expression is different."
You don't show up the same way at a client meeting as you do at brunch with your best friend. You're still fully you—just expressing yourself differently.
So here's what that looks like in dating: You're learning to shift out of the mode where you're organizing, planning, and directing every single detail before the other person even has a chance to step up.
Laura shared this pattern she sees constantly with her clients: "You match with the guy, and straight out of the gate, you tell him how it's going to be. You tell him when the interview is, you tell him it's going to be an interview. And then there's no room for romance."
I had to laugh because honestly? That was me, too. Super efficient. Let's schedule the wine bar interview for Wednesday at 7pm, and I'll decide if you're worth an actual dinner date.
But here's the thing: When you lead everything right from the start, you're not leaving space for someone to actually pursue you or show initiative. You're already in control mode, and then you're wondering why there's no spark.
Actions Speak Louder Than Five-Year Plans (How to Actually Assess Ambition)
So I had to ask Laura: How do you know if someone actually matches your level of ambition?
Because here's what most of us do—we ask direct questions about their career goals and future plans. Where do you see yourself in five years? What are you working toward?
Laura's answer surprised me: Stop doing that.
Men know what we want to hear. They can tell you exactly what sounds good. So if you're just listening to what they say and falling for the potential, you're not getting the real picture.
Instead? Lean back and watch what they actually do.
"If he doesn't have enough initiative to ask you out, it means he's either not that into you—which saves you time—or there's something missing if he can't even put a date together," Laura explained.
Think about it: How does he organize your time together? How does he handle new situations? Does he pay attention to what matters to you? How does he respond when things don't go as planned?
That's where you see someone's actual level of drive and initiative.
Laura put it perfectly: "Ambition expressed in a way that leads to success is a set of traits, a set of behaviors. You get to learn that about a person as the connection moves forward, rather than them giving you the perfect answer."
I'd rather know someone can plan an actual date for next Saturday than hear their five-year vision board, you know?
Self-Confidence vs. Self-Love (And Why This Distinction Matters So Much)
Okay, this part of our conversation was so important because I talk about self-love and confidence with my clients all the time. But Laura made a distinction I hadn't fully considered.
Most of her clients (and honestly, probably most of you listening) have plenty of self-confidence. You know you can achieve what you set your mind to. You're good strategists. You work hard. You figure things out.
Self-confidence is external. It's the belief that whatever you set your mind to, you can have.
But self-love? That's internal. And it's completely different.
Here's how Laura explained it: "When we take the achievements and the productivity and the social status and the cool clothes and the lifestyle away, how much do you not only tolerate or accept, but how much do you embrace and love and are proud of who you are at the core?"
Because here's what happens when self-love isn't where it needs to be:
"Self-love is your compass for navigating life in general, but especially dating, because if your self-love is not in a good place, then you will keep accepting crappy behaviors even though your logical brain tells you otherwise."
— Laura Nagiel
You can have your list of everything you want in a partner. You can know logically what you deserve. But if your self-love isn't strong, you'll keep accepting behavior that doesn't align with that list.
This is the real work. Not crafting the perfect dating profile or memorizing great conversation starters. It's building that internal foundation that actually believes you can have what you want.
When You're Ready for Something New (My Own Story)
I have to share my own recent experience here because it's so relevant.
After my divorce, I genuinely thought dating wasn't for me anymore. I was happy. I had my kids, my business, and amazing friends. I felt fulfilled. I didn't need a relationship, and honestly? I didn't want one.
My friends kept saying, "But you should date!" And I was like, "I don't want to. I'm good."
Then they asked: "What would it take?"
And that question shifted everything. I got really clear: If someone was going to come into my life, they needed to add SO MUCH value. We're talking joy, passion, excitement, partnership, shared responsibilities—like, they better be adding to my life in meaningful ways. Not just filling space or creating more work for me.
If you can't answer my text promptly? I'm good. If you're going to drain my energy? No thanks. I had zero interest in managing someone else's emotional landscape.
That clarity changed everything. When I stopped trying to make something happen and got really honest about what would actually enhance my life, the right person showed up. Quickly.
Laura confirmed this is exactly the shift she helps her clients make: moving from project-managing dating to creating space for the right connection to develop naturally.
And you guys, it's been months now, and it's just... It's really good. That's what's possible when you get clear on what you actually want and believe you can have it.
About Laura (And How She Can Help You)
Laura Nagiel is a dating and confidence coach who works specifically with high-achieving women. She created the DREAM Framework™—a practical, five-step method that gives you an actual strategy for dating (not just hoping things work out).
Here's what I love about Laura's approach: She doesn't believe love has to depend on luck or perfect timing. She believes you can actually create the conditions for finding your life partner.
After years of struggling with her own dating—and then completely turning her dating life around—Laura now helps women understand the psychology of attraction, masculine and feminine polarity, and why people bond the way they do, so they can finally experience their dream relationship and truly have it all in life.
And listen, her approach isn't therapy. It's strategy. She works with women who've already done their healing work and are ready to move forward with a clear plan.
Connect with Laura:
Get Laura's Free Dating Audit (Just for You Guys)
Laura created a free dating audit specifically for the Game On Girlfriend® community. It's super quick—just 12 questions that take about 3-5 minutes to complete.
Here's what you'll find out:
- What is your biggest problem in dating right now (so you can stop spinning your wheels)
- The next three specific steps you need to take to fix it
- How to move from chaos to actual clarity in your dating life
Grab the free audit here: https://lauranagiel.involve.me/audit
Related Episodes You'll Love
Episode 253: Ready to Reinvent Yourself? A Conversation With Anita Rombough
Anita talks specifically about "opening yourself up to receive" and the decision to either receive abundance or block it. This perfectly complements Laura's message about the "second gear" and learning to receive in dating. The episode covers elevating your vibration, tuning into your energy, and clearing out fear—all of which relate to the self-love and energy work Laura discusses. Listen here
Episode 270: The Truth About Learning to Manifest with Alea Lovely
Alea discusses listening to yourself over the rest of the world and finding the courage to trust your inner wisdom. This ties directly to Laura's concept of self-love as your compass and knowing what you actually deserve versus what you're accepting. The episode empowers women to understand their gifts and "qualify themselves"—essential for the self-worth work Laura emphasizes. Listen here
Episode 87: Is It Ok to Be Happy Right Now?
Sarah addresses the "there's not enough" myth and permission to be happy and want more in life. This relates to Laura's message that you can be successful AND have a fulfilling relationship—you don't have to choose. The episode tackles allowing yourself to receive happiness, which is fundamental to the dating mindset Laura teaches. Listen here
Let's Keep This Conversation Going
Ready to build a business that actually supports your life instead of consuming it? Let’s talk.
I offer free 15-minute consultation calls. We’ll talk about where you are in your business and see if working together feels right.
Connect with Sarah:
- Instagram @thesarahwalton
- Free recources for you here
- Join the Game On Girlfriend® community. Subscribe to the podcast: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube
Love This Episode?
And hey, if this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who's navigating the dating world while building her business. Sometimes the best thing we can do is remind each other we're not alone in this.
About Sarah Walton
Sarah Walton is a business coach who helps women entrepreneurs build authentic, profitable businesses through heart-centered sales strategies. She's the host of the Game On Girlfriend® podcast and creator of programs including Effortless Sales, Abundance Academy, and the Money Mindset and Heart-Centered Sales online courses. Sarah bridges the gap between spiritual wisdom and practical business strategy, helping women earn at the speed of safety while creating businesses aligned with their values.
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