Episode 172: Sick of People Pleasing? Childhood Trauma Might Be The Source with Kalpa Gupta

By Sarah Walton | April 18, 2023

Content warning: The following episode contains a discussion of childhood sexual abuse and mentions of trauma.

Today I'm bringing you something a little bit different. Kalpa Gupta is an extraordinary woman who helps people deal with childhood sexual abuse. Now the name of her business is connected and what she really does. She's the CEO and founder of Knekxt Group that goes out and really helps executives and really successful people mitigate risk and understand how to build trust, and she does that by dealing with childhood trauma, specifically childhood sexual abuse.

Now, if you've been following me for a while, you would understand and know why this specific topic is so important to me.

But as a business coach, you might be wondering why are we talking about this?

You guys, we have so much that goes on in our heads and in our histories that we are usually not that aware of. We start to create patterns as children, based on what happens to us, or at us.

These moments in our lives, especially as children, can end up shaping what we believe is possible, what we believe, we can and cannot do how the world is.

I really invite you to listen to this discussion from the perspective of how can I strengthen myself? What new risks can I take and know that I'm safe? What do I need to heal?

Kalpa highlighted the moment that the coping mechanisms - be they around money, business, sex, intimacy, financial health, physical health – we developed no longer work.

She shared the moment of her own realization, which was grounded in the feeling of tiptoeing around people and living in scarcity and hypervigilance. After losing support in a toxic workplace, Kalpa said she remembered being done with fixing herself.

“I'll just navigate, tiptoe around them until I realized you know one day, “Oh my God, the kind of grace that I am expected to give to people. What about that grace for me? Where is that grace for me?’ ” she said.

She says for people who are stuck feeling shame or blame, for those who are having trouble forgiving themselves, knowledge is the first step. Kalpa cites the ACE score, where ACE stands for adverse childhood experiences. There are 10 categories; people can go and check their ACE score. The study itself demonstrates just how common these experiences are.

The more we stop judging our emotions the better.

Patterns are deep and our reactions can often be traced back to our childhood – maybe you weren’t seen, heard, or understood. We tend to make up all these stories about ourselves and our life that are not true. Release them.

Kalpa says if you want to make a shift and you feel like nothing is possible, know that if you are alive right now something has gone right in your life. You know that you can start to make a difference and when you start reaching out and you will find a path to healing.