Episode 246: How to Let Go of the Bully In Your Brain with Allison Guilbault

By Sarah Walton | September 17, 2024

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Are you mean to yourself? It seems like a strange question to ask. I’m so stupid! Ugh, I can’t believe I did that! You know what I’m talking about. Those moments where we attack with negative self-talk.

Today’s guest, Allison Guibault, helps women release self-doubt and deal with what she calls high functioning anxiety. Sound familiar? I talk about high functioning codependence all the time. We do all of the invisible, unpaid work to the tune of $3.6 trillion in the United States.

People say things like, “You're so selfless. You're so amazing. You've got it going on.” Those accolades keep us locked in that high performance codependence, and Allison has made it her job on planet Earth as both a therapist and a coach, to help all of us start to rewire that.

Allison Guilbault is a licensed therapist, international speaker and confidence, empowerment and self-worth coach. She specializes in anxiety, trauma and sex and intimacy, but her true passion is helping women let go of doubt, shame and limiting beliefs so they can reconnect to their confidence, reclaim their empowerment and realign with their intuition and highest power.

Recognizing her own negative self-talk

Allison says she had a lot of anxiety when she was a teenager as a high achiever and overachiever. But it took her a long time to see how that anxiety started to show up negatively in adulthood.

She was stuck in a corporate job that she was successful at but didn’t really like. She was burnt out and exhausted. One day, she snapped and said she rushed to her therapist’s office.

“I spent the next few years really trying to rework my entire life, and it was really hard,” says Allison. “There wasn't a lot of messaging out there that I was connecting to about, you know, things you talk about like abundance, mindset, the ability to change your mind.”

But she did it. And she hopes her work coaching helps other women shorten the learning curve in seeing there’s another way to work hard, keep all their core qualities and find fulfilment in life.

What is negative self-talk

The truth is, we’re really impressionable. Allison thinks back to all the messaging we receive as girls, as simple as, “Don’t speak up in class, you’re going to come off as bossy,” which taught us to quiet ourselves. Whereas a boy in class doing the same thing might hear that he’s a leader.

Overtime, we start to collect all of these stories about what life is supposed to look like. Allison says it’s important to ask yourself where this thought came from? For example, a recent client had embraced the mantra of “No pain, no gain” from a softball coach.

Now in her 50s, this client had carried that mantra with her, though with life experience under her belt she wanted more compassion and not to suffer for success. Step one for her was awareness of recognizing the negative thought and where it came from, before the deeper work and practice to redirect the thought.

“Shifting our thoughts from something that's really negative to something positive -- and it doesn't even have to be positive,” says Allison. “We can land on neutral. Like I'm just not going to bully myself today.”

Watch: Stop Fighting for Your Limiting Beliefs

The toothbrush challenge

Allison says she typically gets eye rolls when she asks clients to start doing positive affirmations. But it does come down to science. The more you think something, the easier it is to access that thought and the more you start to apply it.

It could be as simple as saying, “I’m allowed to have needs.” This will chemically shift your brain, and you’ll become more likely to believe that.

Allison likes to offer a 30-day challenge. When you’re brushing your teeth, practice saying something – literally anything – that isn’t negative.

“I get a lot of resistance,” says Allison. “Like someone who's not used to saying nice things to themselves. Even neutral things to themselves. They're in that mind chatter that's really negative. This is going to feel weird and uncomfortable.”

Practicing your narrative is important. What we believe statistically will dictate our behaviors. Allison points to sports psychology as an example. A batter who goes up to the plate believing they will the ball is more likely to hit the ball.

Difference between anxiety and intuition

Allison says another practical thing to do is notice how you’re feeling. She had someone ask her recently what the difference is between anxiety and intuition – because they feel similar.

To figure out the difference, Allison says it’s important to drop into your body and check what clues you’re receiving. For example, if you’re lying in bed thinking about everything you have to do – the bake sale, an email you have to send, whatever it is.

If your shoulders are up, your heart is racing, or you’re feeling panic start to surge, it is a very good indicator that your thoughts are not helpful at that moment. Allison says we have a tendency to ruminate instead of reflect. Reflection can give us a beautiful “ah-ha” moment, whereas rumination just drains our energy and rob us of our present moment.

Therapy and coaching experience

Allison says most people have some level of awareness when they make the call to either start therapy or coaching. People make the call when things are off-center. Healing is powerful. Personal growth is incredible. Change is transformative.

But you can’t get to any of those steps without some discomfort. Some fear. Healing usually means letting things go – whether it’s old patterns or a relationship, which can be really difficult for people.

Allison says even if you’re just ready to face what is no longer working for you, where you feel stuck or hurt, that’s a radical thing to do. Most people don’t seek that kind of insight or reflection.

Positive reinforcement is actually an enormous catalyst for change. Beating up your mind only gets you so far. Guilt, shame, doubt, and pressure don’t work long-term. If you're looking at your mentor and they're sharing their epic journey of transformation and success, the chances are you're not listening to a motivational speaker talk about how they berated themselves.