Episode 179: Have You Always Secretly Felt “Less Than”?
If you have ever had that moment when scrolling social media, you think, "I'm terrible, I don't know enough, I'm not good enough. I don't know why I think I could do this. Who do I think I am?" These are normal thoughts that we all have.
And as I've been processing applications for The Abundance Academy, I've seen this repeatedly. I'm so impressed by the vulnerability of the applicants, and today I want to give you all a tool to use when you're feeling less than.
What it means to feel less than
There you are, trying to motivate yourself to do whatever you said you would do today, and boom, you see a social media post; maybe you see someone else walking down the street, and they look like a million freaking bucks. You know, those people who always look put together. You ask HOW. I don't even know if I'm awake yet.
It's a feeling of "Can I keep up? Am I going to make it?" And it's a real thing that we all struggle with. So, I first want you to know that when this hits, it's normal.
It's part of the human condition, and it comes from our innate need to belong. It really can just throw you into the pit of despair, and it's awful. One of the reasons we stay there longer than we would like is that we're making ourselves wrong for even feeling that way in the first place.
It's that old adage that what we resist persists. Then we make ourselves wrong for having the feeling, and then that locks the feeling in.
Step 1: Normalize the feeling
One of the things I'd love to give you today is the power to normalize it. This is a normal human experience; it's so ingrained in our nervous systems that we almost don't even have control over it.
You don't have to be afraid of this feeling. So, when it hits, you remember: “There is nothing wrong with me.”
Step 2: Create a confidence record
This requires some preparation, but I urge you to create a confidence record. This is the A-list of all your accomplishments. It will remind you of what you've done in those moments.
When we're in that spiraling moment of "I suck, I can't do this, I'm never going to get there," you can feel that emotion, acknowledge that you're experiencing it, and then go to your confidence record. It will remind you of the facts and pull you out of that spiral. It's very fast and effective, and you can move on to the next thing.
The more confident you feel, the more competent you become. You start to trust yourself to do more. And then, the more competent you become, the more confidence you have. So, the second you read those accomplishments, you realize you CAN tackle today.
This is so powerful. We've been given all these incredible tools inside our bodies to use. We can flip the confidence switch, and it will work. It's not manipulation or toxic positivity; it's real and comes from your own history.
Step 3
Once you've read your list of accomplishments, ask this question: What is the one thing I can do today to move my goals forward, or what is the one thing I can do right now to help me move this day forward? This comes from one of my favorite books, "The One Thing" by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan.
You can choose which question based on how hard you've spiraled. Sometimes it will be baby steps to get yourself out of that moment.
If you're feeling less than is more of a blip moment, you can ask yourself: What's the one thing I can do such that by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary.
It's such a powerful question that refocuses your brain to where you have the power, which is the next step.
Always planning
One thing that leads to our feeling of less than is that we're always planning. We're constantly excited about the next thing we want to do. All that planning is great, and all that excitement and inspiration is wonderful, but the only thing that will give us the future we want is what we do right now, in the present moment.
That's it, that's the only thing we've got, and if you were to sit and think about it, you could create the plans right now, but to make those plans come to life, what do you have to do? You have to act right now. So, these three steps are: making sure you're not making yourself wrong, reading your past accomplishments, and then asking yourself what is the one thing I can do next to move myself forward. You're taking control of the present moment, which is the only moment we have.
The simplicity of it is what has escaped most people's attention. Because we think we're supposed to be grinding and working hard and doing all the things, but even if we were to "grind," which I hate so much -- let's stop using that word.
Even if you were to hustle, grind, and do everything. When do you do that? At the moment, you have.
Sometimes we think that to stop feeling like we're less, we have to jump on every idea we have. We have to do everything all the time. It's not that big, you guys. It's tiny, it's the next task, that's it, and then it's the next task, and that's it.
