Episode 268: “I want to, BUT …” When Ambivalence Drains Your Motivation with Meg Rentschler
Are you facing down the ambivalence monster? This might sound like, “I want to get healthy and strong! But I’m not waking up at 5 a.m.” It could be a goal, or a new project, and all of a sudden there’s a big BUT. (Yes I made that joke.)
Ambivalence is a natural part of change though, and if you're struggling making a change – even a positive one – this episode will break down some strategies to find your motivation and reconnect with your intentions.
Meg Rentschler loves helping other people live their best lives and after 20 years as a psychotherapist, she transitioned into executive coaching in 2008 to help create healthy workplaces where people can actually thrive. Meg believes in the power of coaching and its ability to break down barriers and create connection. To that end, she's trained and mentored over 2,000 coaches so they can bring their impact into the world.
After 20 years as a psychotherapist, she transitioned into executive coaching in 2008 to help create healthy workplaces where people can thrive.
“I began to see that so many of the people that were coming to see me for therapy were working in really dysfunctional work environments,” says Meg. “They were being asked to lead without being given leadership skills. They were being led by people who were great individual contributors, but then made to be a leader and had no earthly idea how to lead.”
Recognizing when to make a change
Meg says when we think about what lights us up, if we start to feel like the energy drain is not matching the energy input from what you do, you should assess what's going on. Can you really be the best you can be in this environment?
Meg asked what she could do differently to help people be their best, and that’s when she discovered executive coaching. Upon her graduation, she was offered an opportunity to coach other coaches and work in organizations to create healthy work environments one leader at a time.
“I just think we need to pay attention when life is telling us what you're doing was a great fit even last year, but maybe it's not a great fit this year.”
Meg says it’s important to pay attention to whether or not you’re looking forward to going to work, or dreading it. Are you excited to engage with and be a part of. You need to pay attention to those little energy shifts.
Understanding intrinsic motivation
Sometimes we have to do things because the boss has a deadline to hit. But if all our motivation is coming externally and we’re not getting that internal drive it won’t be driven by the same fuel.
Some people might feel the disconnect between the giving a project or client everything they’ve got, and doing well, but hating it. It might be you’re doing something strictly for someone else.
Meg asks what makes the work important to you? What motivates you and creates a fullness of life? In some cases, Meg says her clients might have a day job that isn’t giving them that sense of purpose, but on the weekends, they might find it in volunteer work. Others might use that day job to help bridge the gap between starting their business as an entrepreneur.
“What are you doing to continue to build that so that when you make that transition, it's not a transition of scarcity?” asks Meg.
Finding the confidence
Even the corporate clients Meg works with sometimes need that leap of faith that entrepreneurs find themselves struggling with – can they go for that next promotion, do they have what it takes?
Confidence is a huge piece of motivation. You can recognize that you want to do and it’s important to you, but are you confident that you can do it?
“There are things that you've done to knock things out of the park that you've completely forgotten about, that you completely don't give yourself credit for anymore,” says Meg. “You get all caught in the weeds of what you're trying to do at this moment, and comparing yourself to others and coming up at the short end of the stick because of the way that you're looking at it.”
Meg suggests getting into the habit of building a treasure trove of successes in a journal or similar. What have you done and then immediately forgotten about because something else feels overwhelming or too big?
Other questions: What was I thinking about at the time. What was I telling myself? What was I experiencing in the way of bodily reactions? What were other people saying to me? Or how were they engaging with me? So how was I impacting other people at that moment?
“Thinking, feeling, doing at that time of success, capture those things because those things are things that you're like, “oh, I was thinking that way then, but I'm thinking this way now,” says Meg.
Facing ambivalence
Anytime that we are leaning into doing something differently, we're going to have “I want to but…” But this is more comfortable. But this is routine. Meg says ambivalence is a natural part of change.
Even if it’s a positive change; it might be hard. Normalize the ambivalence. Acknowledge it.
“Do I continue with the change that I said was important or am I doing something else? And if I do something else, what's the cost of that?” asks Meg.
Because sometimes priorities and goals do change.
Maybe you need to lean back into the advantages of the change and why you wanted to do it to begin with. What are the costs of not doing it? You might be four months down the road and those advantages and costs are growing more and more distant. How can you tap into your intention?
Maybe feeling that ambivalence is just a sign you need to tweak a couple things and move down a different path.
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Mentioned in this episode
Sarah’s Episode on The STaR Coach Show: Abundantly Successful Sales Pages with Sarah Walton
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