Episode 255: What To Do After a Cancer Diagnosis with Deb Krier
Have you or someone you loved received a cancer diagnosis? Chances are you just said yes. If you've ever felt talked down to when you are not feeling well, or someone says something really unkind, this episode goes deep on how much we need people and how we can tell when we don’t need some people in our lives.
Deb Krier is an entrepreneur, cancer advocate, and the visionary behind TryingNotToDie.LIVE. With a background in communications, marketing, and public relations, she’s navigated diverse roles, from spearheading communication strategies for large corporations, small companies, and nonprofit organizations, to founding her own marketing agency over 20 years ago.
Diagnosed with Stage 4 triple positive breast cancer in 2015 and thyroid cancer in 2023, she founded TryingNotToDie.LIVE. in 2022. As a dynamic advocate and speaker, Deb passionately champions resilience, empowerment, and community-building amid adversity, inspiring others to navigate the complexities of cancer with courage and power.
Lifechanging diagnosis
It wasn’t the game plan. It wasn’t on her vision board. Deb says she was sailing along at her marketing firm when she had a nasty diagnosis pop up. She’d gone in for her annual physical and had a mammogram. The office called her before she’d even got home from the appointment.
“What they discovered was not a lump, not a bump, not anything easy to find. They found micro calcifications. So what do I do? I go to Doctor Google,” says Deb. “The vast majority of the time they flit away and never have any problems. Well, in my case, because I just have to be special. They start gathering, and when they gather, that's when there is a problem.”
Deb was initially diagnosed with zero stage breast cancer, which is sometimes called pre-cancer. She saw a specialist and did some biopsies that came back negative, but her surgeon suggested checking her lymph nodes to be sure.
Eight of 12 lymph nodes came back as cancerous.
“We decided, you know, let's really kill this and do it really hard. Well, they about killed me. I got a complication,” says Deb. “I ended up with septic shock and was this close, as in hours away from dying. My doctors were fighting about it. The one surgeon didn't want to do anything because I wasn't going to make it through the day. And the oncologist said no. And I remember thinking, excuse me, I get a vote.”
Deb spent seven months in the hospital. She decided to have a double mastectomy (which also came with complications!). Since then, Deb has had two other cancer diagnoses, one for a type of skin cancer, and another for thyroid cancer.
“But in amongst all of this, I kept working and I tell people hospitals and doctors’ offices have really good Wi-Fi, and I am still in active treatment. I have a port in my shoulder. I go in every 21 days,” says Deb.
“I kept working. And a big part of that was it gave me something to think about. It gave me a purpose. It gave me goals, all of those things.”
Deb started working with a business coach, and the coach pointed out to Deb that she didn’t go through everything she went through without using it to help others. The push led to the creation of TryingNotToDie.LIVE.
“The try not to die part comes from the fact that when we have anything that is very serious, or even if it's just how we live life, we are living just to try not to die. And that's what we're focusing on,” says Deb. “And the live part is we've got to focus on living our life five hours, five days, 50 years, whatever it is, we absolutely have to live our lives.”
What to say to someone who has cancer
The concept is to build a support system for anybody that has cancer. Deb says one of the biggest questions she receives is what to do when someone you love gets diagnosed with cancer. And what tends to happen is people do nothing, because they don’t know what to do.
Deb’s message to doctors is that “We are people; we are not patients. We are not our diagnosis.” She recalled an instance where she was in for a checkup and heard the staff say “thyroid cancer is in room 4.
“Our diagnosis is just part of us. I have worked this entire time. I've been having fun. I've been doing all that other stuff. You just keep going,” says Deb. “The antidote is to live.”
Deb says it’s important to acknowledge the bad times, but not to get stuck there. If someone is finding they are depressed or similar, they most definitely should seek some sort of counseling, whether it is spiritual or psychological, or whatever. That shows how strong you are when you ask for help.
“Our automatic response is, I'm fine,” says Deb. “Fine is that catchall word that covers everything. It's okay to say I'm a hunky dory. Or you know what? Today is a bad day because the people who are asking care about us and they need to know and they need us to be honest.”
Deb says there are people that you know you can go into detail with, and then there are others where you might say, today is kind of a slow day, and watch for their reaction. If they ask for more, then it's okay to tell them a little bit more.
Sometimes the elephant in the room is small, and sometimes it’s giant. But it is there, so don’t ignore it.
“But the thing for us as the warriors to remember is they can't help us if we don't tell them we need help,” says Deb.
“When you do go to them, don't just say, tell me if there's anything you need,” says Deb. “Our little brains are so full of trying to not die that we can't think about that. So say, ‘can I bring you dinner on Thursday? Can I take your kids to the park?’ Give them something specific to say yes or no to.”
Deb says she did lose friends when she was first diagnosed, but she also gained people who have become her biggest supporters.
Advice for the newly diagnosed
She also encourages people to feel anger. It’s okay to get angry. If you’re given a specific diagnosis, Deb recommends visiting the Mayo Clinic and the American Cancer Society rather than consulting Dr. Google.
“But remember you are in charge, not your doctor, not your spouse, not whoever you are, the one in charge,” says Deb. “So research it and do what YOU want.”
Bear Hug Care Package
We are proud to offer our “Bear Hug” Care Package™ as a way for someone to show their support to a friend, loved one, co-worker, etc. as they are on their cancer journey.
Featuring a cuddly stuffed bear named Warrior, the care package comes with essential items for someone who is bravely fighting. Use code 10SPECIAL for a 10% discount.
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