Episode 169: What I Learned Over My Girls’ Weekend
Last weekend I met up with four of my closest girlfriends. We do this every year. We try very hard to hang out in a house where we don't have to leave, where we can wear sweatpants and eat as much food as humanly possible.
It is so much fun. We all realized, as we were enjoying the weekend together, that when we would share with people where we were headed and what we would do, we'd get kind of these blank stares. People would be like, “Wow. I've never had that,” or, “oh my gosh, I'm so jealous. That sounds amazing!”
I hope that this episode really inspires you to go out there and find your people.
Weekend of learning with the girls
I want to share three things I observed with these women this weekend. It was a place where we could address what we need as humans, as friends, and what we need as moms. Only two of the five have had children, and it was so interesting to see what dominated the conversation and what didn't.
Our friendship was forged during a challenging time for all of us. (For me, I had just called off an engagement.) What we bring to each other is that we talk about our addictions, we talk about what we're struggling with, we talk about our current relationships, what's great, what's not working, and we talk about what we really love.
We talk about what really matters with 100% acceptance.
Rest is not a luxury
The first thing I learned this weekend is that rest is not a luxury. Rest is a necessity. Every single one of us talked about how amazing it was to be able to turn off work, to be able to leave our families. We love them, but we need to not do all the invisible work.
If you have been feeling tired, I want you to intentionally schedule rest into your calendar. That is critical. It's not nice to have, especially not now. Coming out of the pandemic and the restructuring we've all done, we need to make sure we're resting because rest looks different now, doesn't it?
So many people are working from home. I rarely leave my house. I work. I take care of the kids. I clean the house. Then I plan for work the next day, work in the house, and walk the dog. I know I'm not special. Most of us have a very similar schedule now, even those working for corporations, so it's critical that you understand when you need rest and how to get it.
Friends in your sandbox
The second thing I learned is how important it is to have playmates in our sandbox. I talk about this a lot to my own coach. What's cool about my group of friends and where I think we're very lucky is that two of us are entrepreneurs. One of us is a stay-at-home mother, and two work for corporations now. That combo is great because we share different aspects and perspectives on life. But each of us has someone to turn to when we need a deeper conversation.
There's a really great book by Shasta Nelson called Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends I recommend. She breaks down that each of us can have different groups of friends, and that's appropriate. You might have your work friends, your dance mom friends, and old friends from, you know, childhood or your early twenties.
Each of those groups will serve a different purpose, and that's OK. We must understand that you never want to make yourself feel wrong for who you're hanging out with. You need something from them. If you no longer do or feel like you're constantly giving and not getting back, it's probably time to release those friendships.
Importance of sharing
And the third thing I learned was the importance of sharing. I know that sounds funny. I had so much fun talking about different books. One of us has just totally dived headfirst into serious meditation. She was sharing that with us, and we are talking about moving. We were talking about children and how hard it is for parents, and as much as we love our children, why didn't anybody tell us it would be this hard? How much of a role is the internet playing in that? We talked about our health rights as we're all getting older. Our health needs are changing. Who's going for a walk right now? Who's going to take a break right now? Those sorts of conversations were happening, and we loved sharing what works.
We each had a turn to say: it's tough for me right now, and we got to talk about that. I encourage you not only to put rest in your calendar after listening to this episode, but I also want you to start fighting for friendships.
Fight for your friendships
I want you to do what Jane Fonda has been advising. Have you seen these videos of her talking about friendship? She talked about Sally Field and how they've created friendship, and Sally Field was like “No, no, no, no, no, you don't understand. She reached out to me until I said yes.”
That moved me so much because that's what it takes. I think so often people think friendships just sort of happen, right? You're just lucky. You bump into somebody and click. I don't think that that's true. I think friendships take effort. I think you have to know who you want to be hanging out with and, spoiler alert: Choose somebody who inspires. Choose someone you know you can trust. Choose someone humble who doesn't judge.
This friendship between the five of us has lasted as long as it has because we love each other. And every year- except during the pandemic- we have fought to be in the same room for one weekend. We have fought to be together, to be with each other, to remind each other of what matters, to work through issues you can't talk about with everybody, and to tell the truth about where life is standing. Also, to inspire each other.
Every single one of us left this weekend with new goals, ideas, and inspired actions we could take. I encourage you to fight for your people. To find the people in your sandbox, schedule your rest, do it with someone you love, and then make sure you share from your heart.
